Orange Angel Wing Heart

in november 2019 i found jesus christ waiting for me and i became the biggest
delusional freak known to the heavens as i naively truly thought jesus would
be the true light in my life and would give me a reason to keep on living so i spent
every day praying that he would take my pain away and i made friends at church
but found sin there as a man there was creepy and i never came back.

i am jealous of people who can so easily believe Christianity because i want to be happy
and blissful like them and it is so not fair one day at school my cross necklace broke
and my friend joked that God didn't want me and it hurt my feelings so bad i didn't talk to her
for a week

the whole time i was a Christian i thought that God was watching my every move and was
waiting for me to mess up so he could punish me badly it made me paranoid and crazy.
i still pray sometimes when i'm sad